The Promise
by maritza chan
Summary: They promised to be friends no matter what. He promised to always be there. Could he hold to his promises? **Original image belongs to cactusrain.deviantart**
1. The Promise

**Harry Potter saga doesn't belongs to me, neither the song below. **I just do this for fun.

Hello! I always wanted to post a fanfic about Severus and Lily and finally, inspired by a fic of ArwenFairTinuviel, I started one. Sorry for any grammar mistake, I'm still working on those and I hope get some input from you readers.

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**The Promise**

_"If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger, you know in the end, I'll always be there.  
And when you're in doubt, and when you're in danger, take a look all around, and I'll be there."_

The Promise – When in Rome.

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_A cold wind blew into the hallways of Hogwarts castle that October 31st afternoon. Most of the students were hungry and talking about the feast being held that evening as he left Charms class to join the flow of students going down to the dining hall. Since he walked quickly, he soon left behind the rest of his classmates and it was nuisance that most of the students now around him were Gryffindors – except for one person, the one that was calling his name from behind, trying to meet his quick steps._

"_Hello Sev!" said a cheerful girl with red hair and green eyes, trying to catch her breath._

"_Hi Lily," he said, slowing down and taking them down a less crowded path after someone said something like "that's so wrong" when she joined him._

"_I wonder if they're going to get over it. I mean, it's not bad having a Gryffindor being friends with a Slytherin, is it?"_

"_Of course not," he answered, although he wouldn't befriend any Gryffindor aside from her. "How was Transfiguration today?" he asked, changing the topic._

"_Amazing," she proceeded to let him know every detail of what she did in class. He liked to listen to her; it was always like that when she talked about magic and how wonderful it was. After a while they both walked in silence. A chilly gust of wind blew between them making her shiver._

_"Oh, I wish I hadn't left my scarf in Gryffindor tower," she said, and at once Severus took his off and gave it to her. She smiled and was too busy arranging the scarf around her neck to see him softly blush in delight._

"_That red color doesn't suit you as well as green does," he commented after both started to walk again, with the voices of the rest of the student far away and the autumn evening light bathing them in gold._

"_I wish we could spend more time together too," she sighed. She knew Severus had been very disappointed after she was sorted into Gryffindor and that comment was not really related to the fact that green actually looked great on her. She looked down at the green scarf around her neck, soft and warm but it would not stay there long since they were reaching the dining hall and people would talk if she sat at the Gryffindor table wearing a Slytherin scarf, especially that Potter boy and his friends._

_The wind was not blowing near the door and few students were outside the dining hall. She took off the scarf and passed it back to Severus, only to find that he looked rather offended._

"_I don't need it anymore, thanks," she said with a smile._

"_You _really_ don't wish to be spotted with a Slytherin scarf, do you?" he muttered, taking his scarf back unwillingly. She supposed he might think that she was embarrassed of being his friend._

"_I just wish it wouldn't matter as much as it does." Moments like this were often tense and the correct words were hard to find._

"_It doesn't matter to me. You're my best friend." Lily spotted some pinkish colour in his pale face._

"_And you wouldn't mind no matter what?" she asked, knowing by now that Slytherins were close-minded, even more than the Gryffindors, about their friendship._

"_No matter what," he said, looking her straight in the eye. "I'll always be your friend." It was a promise._

But that was exactly ten years ago, and even though he considered her his only true and most beloved friend, he was afraid that long ago she didn't feel the same way about him. He had come to the Dark Lord's hideout just to find out he was going finally after that baby Potter, after some spy had told him where they were in hiding. Snape tried to run away faster, unnoticed and unsuspiciously as he could, feeling it was too late. He had pleaded for the sparing of her life, not only to his master, but to that old fool Dumbledore as well. No option was to be dismissed when Lily's life was endangered and the one that had put it that way was _him_. The guilt had consumed him over the year and today was the moment of truth. He hurried up; he needed to warn the Order, only one thought in mind: to save her.

_Spring was moving fast, and under the weight of the upcoming OWLS the fifth year students had barely enjoyed it. It was the last Hogsmeade visit before the exams and, wisely, Severus decided to take a break before his head exploded with so much information. Quite a few of his classmates were around and that pleased him. The last thing he wanted to see in his free time was that Potter's band of gits. Looking for a place to sit and drink his very cold and nice butterbeer, he spotted Lily, strangely by her own, searching for a table to sit at. Their eyes met and she smiled at him. He could call it a good day just because of that._

_The ever cold and distant boy made his way to the girl and, noticing an empty dark place to sit, they decided to drink their butterbeers there and walk outside later, since it was a beautiful day. It was a light chat, but they enjoyed being together and not being bothered since the place was packed. They left together without heading any specific direction, talking about the upcoming exams and, taking advantage that they had gone far away from unfriendly eyes, Severus decided to talk about serious business with her._

"_It's been a while since we went out, just walked and chatted… It almost looks like you're avoiding me, are you?" he asked, sounding hurt._

"_It isn't on purpose…" she declared, sighing. She never avoided him. "But between classes and my prefect duties, a big share of my time is taken up, and you haven't been very available lately too," she explained, and he understood she was not referring to the same duties that kept her busy. "You and your friends…" She stopped in front of him and looked into his eyes. "I think I'm losing you Severus…" His heart almost stopped when he heard her._

"_Don't say that! We're still friends! Aren't we?" A hint of panic invaded him. He couldn't lose her. Not Lily._

"_You tell me! If you join the Dark Lord, how could we stay friends? I'm the very thing the Death Eaters despise!"_

_Suddenly, things were out of his control. This was not the conversation he wanted to have that day._

"_You're wrong," he said coldly. Lily seemed surprised and skeptical. "With your talent, if you join before it's too late, he will overlook your bloodline…"_

"_I can't believe all the lies you say! Don't you hear yourself? How can you even think I'll join You-Know-Who?! I really consider you my friend but I can't keep a blind eye on you and your friends practicing the dark arts. Please don't join them or it will cost you much more than you realize." Lily was visibly upset and Severus became infected with the same mood._

"_It will cost _you_ to not join now! Don't you understand that I'm telling you this to protect you? I can't let you…" He couldn't say it; he couldn't say it was because he loved her so much. "I can't let you die knowing I could have save you," he murmured. He could see that she was surprised._

"_If you say that our friendship is worth that much… would you do anything to protect me?" she said, blushing. As they were talking both had moved closer to each other and now there was barely any space between them._

"_Anything." And she saw in his eyes his resolution._

"_Then save me…"_

Her eyes – she was so close then that even now her memory haunted him. He knew then what she meant with those words. She wanted him to join Dumbledore's side, but he promised himself, even if he never told her, he promised he would _save_ her. Why did she never understand? She never saw that all he did – and was still doing – was only for her, and he would continue to do so as longed as he lived. All of his becoming a master of the Dark Arts was to show her he was worthy of her, but his plan backfired on him and he lost her. Now his worst nightmares were about to become true. He had failed her. He had failed _Lily_.

**_xXxXx_**

It was another normal night at the Potters' cottage in Godric's Hollow. It was Halloween night and Lily was washing up after their supper, trying to shoo away their pet cat from the still dirty dishes. James, her beloved husband, was in the living room playing with their son Harry. She could hear the happy baby laughter. Too distracted as she was, thinking about her small family, the cat was now licking the remains of a pot. She left the pots and dishes washing themselves and carried the cat with her into the living room.

Harry was sleepy and she volunteered to take him to his cot. James told her he would be waiting for her for dessert. She laughed at her husband and was halfway to Harry's room when a loud BANG shook the house and she didn't have to wonder much what was happening, but fear and despair filled her. She could hear James yelling – "Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off —" but the only way out was blocked and she heard Voldemort's cold laugh and began to run. Not much time passed before she heard James fall. Despite the despair and hopelessness she put Harry in his cot and murmured a charm, hoping for a miracle. She was trapped in Harry's room with no way to get out when Voldemort appeared in the doorway.

"Not Harry! Not Harry! Please — I'll do anything —" she cried.

"Step aside, girl! Step aside!" Voldemort instructed her, his eyes on the cot where Harry was lying. But Lily didn't move. She pleaded for her baby's life, and though he loved pleading souls, today Voldemort didn't have time for playing. He wanted to finish this ridiculous situation now and show the world the true power of Lord Voldemort. Only one thing was in his way. He didn't understand why his loyal servant was so attached to this Mudblood, even if she was an exceptionally good witch. He didn't have time for that and was about to perform the killing curse, but if he hated something more than "love" or whatever rubbish the old fool always talked about, was an infant's cry. He had always hated it when the other children cried in the orphanage.

Lily's cries and the baby's wails were enough to make him furious, but instead of killing Lily, he cast a curse upon her that threw her unconscious to the floor; he had plans involving her, but first he would deal with the boy. And baby Potter saw a green light coming to him, but the charm cast by his mother protected him, ending, for now, the Dark Lord. The impact of the failed curse was so powerful that it blew apart some of the room and the house. In the sky above the Dark Mark faded away with the wind.

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Thanks for reading and please leave you comments.


	2. The Reason

**Harry Potter saga doesn't belongs to me**.

Thanks for the reviews and for reading this fic! I hope this new chapter will be as enjoyable as the first one. Special thanks to ArwenFairTinuviel for helping me with my grammar errors :)

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_"I'm sorry that I hurt you, It's something I must live with every day_

_And all the pain I put you through I wish that I could take it all away _

_And be the one who catches all your tears _

_That's why I need you to hear__"_

The Reason - Hoobastank_  
_

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Severus didn't know where to go. The Potters, for all he knew, could be hiding on the other side of the world. His despair had reached an incredible point and it was luck, or maybe fate, that he heard someone saying that the Dark Mark had been spotted over Godric's Hollow and was now fading. He realized that his brand had faded too. Something was wrong, too wrong.

Severus sent a Patronus to Dumbledore to save going directly to him, and instead he headed to Godric's Hollow. He appeared in the valley and the faint green light of the fading Dark Mark barely illuminated the place. It seemed he was the first one to put feet in the place after the disaster. Midnight had passed long ago. The cottage was partially destroyed, almost in ruins, and at first he could not hear a sound. His heart constricted painfully but he took a deep breath and carefully approached the unstable remains.

In the leftovers of the living room, near the staircase, the body of James Potter was lying. He walked past impassively, up to the second floor, and then heard a baby's cry. He cautiously followed it into a half-destroyed bedroom, afraid of what he would see within. He found debris scattered all around, some still dropping down. Only the cot seemed intact and, inside it, Potter's son was crying.

But Severus barely set his eyes upon the little boy; he was looking urgently for Lily. He swept through the rest of the house and found no trace of her, or his master. He returned to the room where the baby boy was crying and filled with guilt and despair he made one last search of the place. Underneath some broken planks and debris he saw a few strands of red hair that he had missed during his first look around. Frozen by the fear of what he might find, it took all his remaining courage to carefully remove the splintered planks and – finally he found her.

She was pale and still. He feared the worst. He knelt to take her into his arms and he felt a faint heart beat. Jolts of brilliant hope invaded him, like a Patronus taking away all other feelings within him, while he held her. Lily was alive! But damn! What had his master done to her? Whatever it was, he was so glad that Lily was still in this earth. He hugged her even tighter.

From outside came noises and Severus sharpened his ears. He quickly realized it was Hagrid, for he could hear him howling in agony. Dumbledore must have sent him to retrieve the bodies of the Potters. With the most caring of moves, he took Lily's body from the remains and covered her with his cloak, since her clothes were damaged.

"What are you doing here?" bellowed Hagrid suddenly when he reached the top floor and saw him. "You've killed them!"

"Don't be a fool, I'm on Dumbledore's side!" Severus snapped in the coldest voice he could manage. How did that gigantic moron dare to suggest that _he_ would _kill_ Lily? Yet he did not have time to complain because Hagrid began to wail again, sagging onto him, sobbing incoherently about how lovely Lily was.

"Stop being a fool, Hagrid. She's alive!" Severus reassured him, and in his joy Hagrid almost knocked to the floor for the second time.

"Poor Harry!" Hagrid cried after cleaning his nose, walking to the cot and taking the poor baby. "I thought he was left alone without parents…" For the first time Severus really paid attention to the infant. Hagrid was wrapping him in his enormous coat and, from a glimpse Severus got, he saw that baby Potter had Lily's eyes. Hagrid voice brought him back to Earth.

"If it wasn't you… where's You-Know-Who? Did he… die?"

"I – I don't know…" Severus wasn't sure what had happened to his master and maybe it was even better that way now. Nothing and no one was to be between him and Lily.

"What's that noise?" asked Hagrid and as soon as he said so Severus heard the noise, panicking a little at the sound of a Muggle engine.

Being seen at the scene by Hagrid was one thing. Just saying he was on the old fool's side was enough, but he knew Black had that hideous motorcycle which was about to arrive and he did not want to be spotted by him. He moved quickly and cast an _Obliviate_ charm on Hagrid, just enough to make him forget their encounter. He took Lily with him and disapparated.

**xXxXx**

Severus cursed his luck. After retrieving Lily's body he had returned to Hogwarts, since he did not know where the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix was. There, Dumbledore had received him and taken Lily to the Hospital Wing. Some other members of the Order also went there to help in the attempt to revive her. That was near dawn. All since then Severus had waited in the shadows, watching spell after spell, potion after potion, fail; nothing worked on Lily. He tried to deduce which curse the Dark Lord might have used on her, to no avail.

He was submerged in his dark thoughts when Dumbledore asked that he would accompany him to his office. Then the Headmaster informed him that Voldemort had not been seeing anywhere after the Potters' incident and that he was beginning to think that he had been vanquished.

"You mean he is dead-?" Severus said unsurely, checking where his Dark Mark was supposed to be and yet was not anymore.

"I do not believe so, but he has definitely stopped being human," Dumbledore spoke softly, seeming to be far away.

"So you believe those ridiculous rumors are true?"

"You must believe them yourself. Only Harry was unharmed when you arrived."

"Lily could have…"

"We shall not be sure until she recovers."

Then Dumbledore told him that her son was going to be sent to live with Lily's only living relative: Petunia.

"You can't be serious!" Severus yelled at Dumbledore. "She _HATES_ Lily! You can't take her son there!" He stood up and start to pace around, like a big black cat trapped in a cage.

"Now, now, Severus. Why this sudden interest in her son?" asked Dumbledore softly from behind his desk, looking at him over his entwined hands.

"I am only thinking in the best interests of _her_ son," he spitted out, using all his powers to avoid Dumbledore's piercing eyes. The truth was that the boy was James Potter's son, too much in his image for Severus to care for him, but his eyes… those were Lily's eyes! _When she wakes up, because she will, _he said in his mind_, Lily needs to find out that I have always been on her side, as I promised. I need to show her how much I have cared for her, even if that involves taking care of the son of my enemy._

"It is only until she recovers," said Dumbledore sadly. "We still can't find the counter-curse or any remedy. We are going to send her to St. Mungo's."

"No!" Severus spat again. "What about her security? Let _me_ help her!" Why did that old fool so love to see him pleading? – Severus hated him and let him know it with a vicious glare of glittering black eyes.

"Ah! Severus, you can definitely help, maybe you will know what has happened to her and after all, it is _your_ area of expertise…" Oh! Severus hated him _so_ much. "… I'm really surprised that she's still alive at all. She's lucky that you're looking after her." Albus Dumbledore still looked amazed at the fact that Severus did anything for her. Remembering that he continued, "I need your help in another service as well."

Severus sighed. But when he had asked the old fool for help in saving Lily and her family, he had also promised to do anything he asked. He was bound to Dumbledore's will and he was a man who kept to his promises.

"Tell me," he murmured, eying the Headmaster suspiciously.

"Professor Slughorn has resigned his post and I need a new potions teacher." Dumbledore saw Severus receive the news stoically. "That would help to keep you out of Azkaban too. You see, your name has popped out as one of Voldemort's followers…" Severus flinched "… and you need to be presented in front of the Wizengamot, but I could help you in that."

"What about Lily? If you move her to St. Mungo's, how will I be able to help her?"

"While she is ill, I'll let you go out in the nights to help, if that is your wish. But I need someone who will not only cover the potion post, but be also be the Head of Slytherin House." Severus felt as if this was a trap. He was becoming wrapped in a sticky web, and yet he couldn't avoid it.

"And the boy?"

"He will be with Petunia."

"What about Black?" asked Severus darkly.

"We think he was the spy and right now he's on the run."

It took little time for Severus to make up his mind. "I'll be your new teacher, Dumbledore, but you will let me try _anything_ to help Lily."

Dumbledore agreed with his terms, and thus Severus Snape became Potions Master at Hogwarts School.

**xXxXx**

After talking with Dumbledore, Severus returned to his house at Spinner's End, since he was of no use at Hogwarts at that time. His house was as always: dark, dingy, poor and the worst, unhappiest of places to live. He had not returned home often after leaving Hogwarts, especially because the only good thing that ever happened to him in that place was not there anymore.

He returned there to organize his few possessions before taking a more permanent residence at Hogwarts. He had never imagined that style of life for himself. He was truly fascinated with potions, but he preferred the Dark Arts over it and as soon as this year ended, since it was already November, he planned to apply for the post of Defense Against Dark Arts teacher. If he was going to be there for an eternity, he might as well be doing something that appealed to him.

He packed everything he needed with him and tried to organize the few things he would not be taking – very few indeed – when he remembered that he needed to pay someone a visit before returning to the castle. He needed to talk with Petunia.

She wasn't that hard to find. He had followed Lily's life after school like a shadow and he knew pretty much all of her doings, including her sister's whereabouts.

Night had fallen when he arrived at Privet Drive. He got there soon after Dumbledore had left Harry on Petunia's doorstep. As he stared at the infant left outside in the cold, he began to believe that Dumbledore had to be crazier than he had initially supposed, leaving a vulnerable child in this way and with such dreadful relatives.

Severus deliberated whether he should take the child with him, or make Petunia wake up and take the infant indoors. There was no sound inside Number Four and he was not averse to being rude and breaking in without first announcing himself. He needed a private chat with Petunia. Yet, after an internal struggle, Severus decided to come back when she already had the child in her care.

That soon proved to be almost impossible due to his new job, but Severus had not been caught for being a double agent for good reason. As soon he got the chance, went to Privet Drive one more time. It fortuitously appeared that Petunia's husband was at work and she was alone. He approached the front door and knocked.

"You!" she screeched when she opened the door, and Severus had to stop her from slamming it in his face.

"Be quiet! I need to talk with you."

"I don't want to talk to _you_. Not even Lily wanted to," she taunted, her voice filled with poison. Severus looked into her eyes and caught a glimpse of a memory…

_Lily and Petunia where in the living room of the old house he got to know so well. But his Lily was visibly upset about something._

_"I won't talk to him again. Ever." Her mother was trying to find out why her daughter did not want to talk to her childhood friend, but all her questions only made her more upset. "He's evil…" she said with hate, "he's just evil." Her voice sounded like that of someone who had been defeated._

"She told us you were no more than a corrupt monster, as I always knew from the start. I don't want you here in my house," said Petunia, bringing him back to the present. "She got in that mess for being-"

"Be silent, Petunia! Do not tempt me show you just how monstrous I can be." He spoke threateningly and Petunia finally held her tongue. He took his chance. "Lily's son. I want you to take care of him – _really_ take care of him. I'm not Dumbledore and I know just what you're capable of. When Lily recovers she should find her son properly cared for."

"I don't understand why you're looking out for the son of the man she left you for," Petunia said acidly. "If you want him so much, why don't you take him away from my house?"

"I can't, and so you are going to do as I say."

"You can't do magic in front of normal people," she sneered defiantly.

"I can do much more without a wand. Think about that pink ball you call your son." Petunia hissed furiously. "He can become what he really is, a piglet."

"Don't you _dare!_"

"I'll be watching over you Petunia. Lily's little boy must be well looked after." And in this way Severus departed, leaving Petunia behind, utterly infuriated.

Moments later, Severus was back in Hogwarts, ready for his next class that was due to start in a few minutes. He thought back to that day he had witnessed in Petunia's memory. He had gone to the Evans' house, but Lily had refused to see him. She never talked to him again after that day due to Potter. And yet, even if she did hate him as much as she claimed, he would take care of her as he had promised. Why had things got so complicated? Everything was so good until that year, his life had found purpose when he saw her that very first time…

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Thanks for reading and please leave your opinions.


	3. Winter Light

**Not a single piece of Harry Potter world is mine.**

Hello! Here's a new chapter for the story. Thanks for your support!

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_"All at once you saw her, there in the Winter Light..._

_...Making everything look beautiful."_

Winter Light - Tim Finn

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_Severus Snape woke up that winter morning feeling miserable. That wasn't anything new, but it was his ninth birthday and the first thing that reached his ears was the sound of his parents fighting, again. He tried to go back to sleep but failed. Trying to avoid the fight, as it seemed to him that this would be a long one, he got dressed and went outside hungry, as there was nothing to eat in the house. His clothes were mismatched, making him look shabbier than he actually was and not as warm as he would have liked._

_He walked around the streets covered with recent snow. Until the year before he was never allowed to go outside alone. Only after he was eight years old he started to go outside more and on his own, being able to wander around the neighborhood – but that didn't help him make friends, nor did he want to make them. Since he could recall, he was alone to play or to do anything, at home or outside of it. It didn't help that the rest of the kids around were muggles and he was a wizard and he hated muggles._

_He had never been in that playground. He hadn't walked in that direction before even though he had been going further away from home on long walks given the situation back there, discovering new places and people._

_Today was not an exception. It was very cold and he was on his way back home when he saw them. There was nothing extraordinary in that muggle family that made them relevant but _one_. Severus, behind some evergreen trees, fixed his whole attention on the youngest girl of the family. The parents were watching the two girls playing in the snow, all of them happy and wearing nice warm clothes. Severus watched the red-haired girl with a mixture of envy and amazement. He found he couldn't take his eyes away from her._

_A ray of sunlight filtered through the heavy clouds, shining down only on her, and in that short time he realized she had some magic, she had to. No one could be so amazing without being a magical being; definitely no muggle would. He was freezing and his hands were numb, but he crouched there hidden behind the bushes until the parents called out to the girls and went back to their car. It was then that the little red-haired girl tripped and fell backwards. Nobody would have said that something extraordinary happened, but in his eyes she gave proof that she was indeed a witch. Instead of hitting the ground hard, she fell in slow motion, safe and unharmed._

Severus woke up. A week ago the world he knew shattered and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not. On one hand was the not unpleasing fact that Potter was dead, but on the other hand his beloved Lily was cursed, lying in a bed at St. Mungo's. He was there the night before, trying some potions and spells to no avail, as it had been every night since he accepted the post at Hogwarts. Maybe that was the reason he had dreamed of his ninth birthday. Discovering the Evanses in that playground was the only good thing that had happened that day. It had taken him the rest of the winter to he find her again…

_Severus became obsessed with finding the girl. He searched in every house around the playground, hoping she was not just a one-off visitor to the town. It took him long because of the weather, his father complaining of how he was going out so much, and he had to devote time to studying too. He had homeschooling, as muggles called it, and before seeing her, Hogwarts was his only hope, the only ray of sunlight in his dark life._

_Near spring, his hopes were almost gone and he seriously considered escaping from his house after one big fight in which his father decided to resort to violence. Thinking darkly about his parents, as both of them were sour and unhappy, he walked a road now so familiar that it was automatic to go there straight after getting out of the living hell that was his house._

_He stopped suddenly when he saw the girl and her sister. They were on their way out of the playground so he followed them, realizing why he had never seen them before. Both girls were carrying backpacks which meant that they attended a muggle school. From that day he observed Lily ("That's her name!") with more captivation and eagerness – where she lived, where she played in the park, her route back from school. He lived only to watch her, but inside he really wanted to talk to her, to be her friend. He started to plan how they would meet, since he was always hiding and she never saw him, and preferably before attending to Hogwarts._

It was Petunia's fault that their 'first' encounter was so bad. He enjoyed making her life miserable now. He had stuck to his word and kept an eye over her in the most disturbing way for her that he could manage.

**xXxXx**

The call of a crow made Petunia jump. She hated those birds. They reminded her the time she lived at Cokeworth and worst of all, she knew they were _his_ doing. After his visit, she decided to as she wanted and barely paid attention to Harry. Next day one of those filthy birds arrived in her backyard and followed each of her movements. It got worse and now they were invading the neighborhood, and she began to worry about what the neighbors would say if they discovered that those horrible birds were loitering in her backyard. It was always like that when _he_ was around.

_It was his doing, putting those freakish ideas in her sister's mind. Lily never saw him hovering around that winter, but _she_ did. At school some kids told her who he was: a boy from Spinner's End who always wore ugly clothes and didn't attend school. For her, his address alone was enough to tell her that he was a bad person to mingle with. That day at the playground he popped out and told her sister she was a witch and then insulted her, as if she ever wanted to be a freak like him._

After that, Lily started to be friends with that boy and everything went wrong between them. She was no longer her sweet little sister but a little freakish girl doing abnormal things. She hated him for being what he was and making her sister be that way too, and now even more for sending those evil birds to follow her every movement. She didn't have any other choice but to start treating Harry well. Maybe that would make those horrid birds leave her alone.

**xXxXx**

_Days passed before Severus met Lily again. He was unaware that she was in the playground until she broke into his little hideout, making him jump to his feet. When he realized it was her he calmed down, yet his heart was still racing; he never had been so close to her. He looked at her with greed, absorbing every little detail he could manage in the dim light._

"_Hello," she said. It was an awkward moment. "I'm Lily Evans."_

"_I know."_

"_But I don't know who _you_ are," she said. He felt hot, like having a sudden fever. _She_ wanted to know _him.

"_I'm – I'm Severus Snape…" he said shyly._

"_Nice to meet you, Severus," she smiled, extending her hand to him. He looked at her hand, but it wasn't mistrust that held him back. He was amazed that she was offering her hand to him, and even if he didn't lack manners, it took him a little time to take her hand and shake it._

"_Nice to meet you, too," he said, smiling back broadly. He invited her to sit, in an attempt to be courteous, pointing to the best and softest spot in the grass for her._

"_Last time you told me– you told me I'm a witch…" she said from her seat on the grass, looking up at him doubtfully while he sat down beside her._

"_Yes, because you are."_

"_You said you're a wizard."_

"_I am!" he said proudly._

"_Show me…" There was eagerness in her eyes._

_Severus made some leaves swirl around her. She was delighted, he could see it in her beautiful green eyes. There was no breeze and she didn't question him, which made him even happier._

"_I thought it was just me," she said softly._

"_No, you have loads of magic, but you're not the only one. There's a whole wizarding society." She looked at him amazed, not yet entirely believing what he was saying._

_That was the first of many meetings. They always met at the swings in the playground and talked while swinging there or while playing down in their hideout. She liked to listen to him talking about magic, Hogwarts, potions, the Ministry, Hogwarts, Diagon Alley and so on. They also talked about their families, hers mostly, yet he spoke about his too. But their relationship was still fragile, especially since that day Petunia spied on them and he made a branch fall on her. It took some time for Lily to trust him again and she only returned to him after he had excused himself._

_Spring passed and now Lily was out of school, so they spent lots of time together. He recited to her 'The Tales of Beedle the Bard' that summer and lent her his own very old copy. She read the book but preferred him telling them. He enjoyed every time she said, "Tell me again one of the stories!" Once on the hot summer's afternoon they were both lying in their green hideout when she asked for one story. He instantly began to tell his favorite one 'The Warlock's Hairy Heart' when she gripped his hand in apprehension._ "_Not that one," she said, both side by side in the somber place. "It's scary. I like 'The Fountain of Fair Fortune' better". He didn't care for that one himself, but she still had her hand in his so he proceeded to grant her request._

Those were days of light, the beginning of their friendship and the happiest years of his life. He loved Hogwarts but his memories of that time were forever stained by Potter's irritating presence. Those memories of them were the thing that kept Severus going, the memories of a time when she loved him, even if it was just as a friend. Sometimes now, after trying a new combination of spells, potion and other types of magic on her, he read aloud her favorite story before leaving, barely daring to take her hand for he felt he would be unworthy of her until he found out how to bring her back and she had forgiven him for all the damage he had done to her.

**xXxXx**

His first month as part of the Hogwarts staff was no less challenging than he initially thought. He had to take over at least seven midterm classes and he had no idea of how to teach. Yes, at some points during his years at Hogwarts he thought he knew better ways in which his teachers could deliver the material, but now on the other side it was a whole different picture.

He had no problem at all in imposing discipline or maintaining it; the problem was how to make those simple-minded airheads understand the exact science and subtle art of potion making. Besides that, he also had to plan classes, set essays and mark them. As if that was not enough he was also Head of Slytherin, which meant he had extra responsibilities, including but not only limited to listening and intervening in the insignificant affairs of the students and punishing them for their rudeness to other members of staff. With all that he was doing, he barely had time to research new spells, potions or runes that he could try on Lily. Sometimes he wondered if Dumbledore had put him in that position on purpose. He couldn't complain about the economic benefits but he had scarcely any time for anything else at all besides his work.

It was a few days before the students left for the winter holidays when Severus was called to Dumbledore's office. He hoped that evil woman Petunia, hadn't tipped him off to Dumbledore about his ways of making her behave by threatening to make her life hell. He arrived at the time Dumbledore had requested and the Headmaster asked him to sit.

"Severus, I see you have adapted very well to life at Hogwarts." Silence followed the comment and Dumbledore proceeded on. "Yes, well, I've been informed that you gave Mr. Conrad from Gryffindor a T on several of his essays, and a pair of students of Ravenclaw won't go leave the Hospital Wing, they are apparently so frightened of the detentions you promised them if they didn't succeed in brewing a perfect cure for boils."

So, this was why he had been summoned, to be lectured on how to do his job when nobody seem to care before to give any guidance whatsoever of what to do. "I have always been of the belief that I should not interfere with the way a teacher wants to do his work…"

"But-?" Severus said tightly.

"…and I'm not going to start to do it now, let me be clear. I just want to give you some light on where I think most of the new staff fails. It's up to you to take the information or leave it."

"Have I done something wrong?" Severus asked, frowning.

"No, although I would prefer you to not tell the students that you're going to hex them or test their potions on them," said Dumbledore lightly, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "And as far I can tell Mr. Conrad is an average student, a member of Gryffindor's Quidditch team, and I should hope that your previous dislike for his House is not colouring your judgment when you are marking his homework. In everything else, however, you have succeeded my expectations, Severus." Dumbledore smiled.

Minutes later, Severus left the office after discussing the 'progress', or lack of it, with Lily. Although Dumbledore didn't force him to make any changes and just lectured him, Severus felt quite annoyed. _That old fool, always interceding for the Gryffindors_ he thought bitterly, feeling indignant on behalf of his own House. Unfortunately for Mr. Conrad, the boy was in the way of Snape's path that day and ended up with detention and 10 points less for slacking.

Winter arrived and Severus was now facing two weeks of almost free time, time where he could plunge deep into dark arts curses and their remedies in the hope of finally finding a cure for Lily. He needed to act now, otherwise he doubted he would have enough time again until summer, and by then it might be too late to save her. He could not let her down again.

* * *

Thanks for reading.


	4. Not Strong Enough

**Harry Potter saga doesn't belongs to me, neither the song below. **I just do this for fun.

Hello! Sorry for taking so long to update, but the ideas were difficult to put on for this chapter. I hope I'll be updating at least twice a month. One more time thanks to ArwenFairTinuviel for helping me editing the story (the first 3 chapters had been edited by her).

* * *

_"And it's killing me when you're away, _  
_ And I wanna leave, And I wanna stay_  
_ And I'm so confused, So hard to choose between the pleasure and the pain_  
_ And I know it's wrong, And I know it's right_  
_ And even if I tried to win the fight, My heart would overrule my mind_  
_ And I'm not strong enough to stay away"_

Not strong enough - Apocalyptica_  
_

* * *

It was Severus's turn to patrol around the almost deserted castle. Very few of the students remained there since it was the first Christmas after the fall of the Dark Lord and people were still celebrating the end of the war. Many of his fellow Death Eaters had been caught and soon he would also have his hearing at the Wizengamot. Yet he still needed to fulfill his duties and he was walking down a corridor on the third floor with a new book on modern curses he had got to read to help Lily. He had been enjoying the book and the silence in Hogwarts before his peace was disturbed by the sound of a fight.

"Chelsea, that's such a muggle name!" said a boy's voice.

"Please stop…" replied a girl, "let me go…"

"And you shouldn't even _be_ here. This is a place for big kids. Return to your muggle school for _babies_," scorned a second male voice and both boys laughed.

Severus emerged from the shadows to see what was all that noise and found two of his Slytherins cornering a very little and frightened Ravenclaw. She looked very young indeed, but Hogwarts rules were absolute and so, as she was here, she must be already eleven. The boys had their backs to him, so they didn't see him approach, but the girl did and was even more scared now.

"Yeah, go to your home Mudblood!" the first boy sneered.

Severus, who was annoyed to find those boys bullying the girl and disturbing his peace, was suddenly enraged. He couldn't bear to hear that accursed word, the word that had broken his friendship with Lily. The boys felt a hand on their shoulders and saw their Head of House towering over them and for a moment they thought they weren't in that much trouble; but that feeling quickly evaporated when Severus took twenty five points from each of them and send them to his office for detention. The boys ran to the dungeons very scared now, but the petite girl was still huddled in her corner, very scared.

"Pick up your stuff and go to your common room," he ordered her before heading back to his office. He heard footsteps behind him after some minutes and saw that the Ravenclaw girl had followed him. And when he turned the girl muttered a "Thanks, Professor…" and sprang off to the Ravenclaw common room. The two boys were severely reprehended in his office. They were lucky he didn't cast a curse upon them so that every time they dared to repeat the offending word it reactivated, but he did threaten them with it and also gave them detentions of manual labor with Filch.

Several minutes after they left, Severus still was trying to deal with his worst memory. Was he so unlucky that he had to keep repeating that day in his mind forever? Wasn't enough to have to live it once? But that wasn't even the first fight where Lily had tried to defend him.

_Severus was waiting for Lily near the bus stop, leaning on a tree. The leaves had already begun their race to become red and some of them were even falling. They had started to make their "homework" together in the playground after Lily's return from school, but that day was special. Severus had got something very neat to show her. He had taken a book of magic from his mother's belongings without being caught and he was in very high spirits. Severus' concentration was fixated on the corner of the street where the bus should be appearing at any second, so much so that he didn't spot the three bigger kids that were approaching._

"_Hey, you! Freak!" one of them called to him, pushing him at the same time._

"_Waiting for someone?" asked another._

"_Leave him alone…" said the biggest of them. Severus saw the surprise of the other two at that statement. "Don't you see he's taking a sun bath?!" The boys laughed and started to poke him. "Give me that!" said the biggest, pointing to the book, but Severus held the book tighter and closer to his chest._

_Lily had seen the three boys kicking and hitting him while he curled up on the ground in pain. She told them to leave him alone and when they didn't listen to her and tried to hurt her, Severus gathered up strength to stand and fight. He wasn't sure how he did it, but the biggest one fell with no reason and in his fall hit one of the other while the third got a nosebleed._

"I'm very surprised, Severus." The aforementioned jumped and drew out his wand, only to find Dumbledore sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk wearing a very amused look.

"It's bad manners to enter someone's room without permission," Severus said, going back to his usual self.

"Ah, but you must forgive me. I saw the whole thing and wanted to see the ending…" Severus wasn't sure what to think about the old man now, besides that he was very nosy. "I was actually looking for you to tell you the date of your hearing," Dumbledore explained.

"So?"

"It shall be on January twenty first; your classes on that day can be rescheduled if you wish."

"Good. Now, if you are done, I would like to be left alone in _my _office," Snape said, showing Dumbledore the way out.

Dumbledore already had passed the doorframe when he spoke again. "You know that you can't hex them to not say it. Words are still a very powerful magic and it's up to each one of us to make better use of it. Have a good day." And he left Snape with many ideas revolving in his head.

Dumbledore walked back to his office with doubts. He had never paid proper attention to the Slytherin boy when he was at Hogwarts ten years ago and several times Lily had reproached the fact to him. Would things have turned different if…? But _ifs_ were not going to make the past change and he knew it quite well. He was, after all, only a human being who kept making mistakes and so maybe he shouldn't be that hard on Severus. Severus loved Lily enough to betray Voldemort and his path to darkness. There was something in him that was different from many other Slytherins. It was time to truly give him a second chance.

**xXxXx**

Words did have a power, even those not spoken to cast a spell. What a single word could do! Only if his words were enough to undo the damage he had already made, but it seemed some words had an everlasting power. He spent the rest of the day searching in old texts in the school library or his own collection and narrowed down the search to five very old texts. One of them was a Prince family heirloom that had been passed down for generations. It had given him his first glimpse of the dark arts and was one of his most precious possessions. Dumbledore had given him an idea with his last advice. His master tended to take pride of his knowledge of ancient and powerful dark magic and yet also had some disdain for some types of old magic, especially the type Dumbledore promoted.

Severus began searching in his precious book and remembered what had happened after he got beaten, one of many times, because of a book.

_After the gang left them, Lily took Severus to her house to help heal him. The idea didn't appeal to him, but she assured him that her mum and sister were not around. They shut themselves in the bathroom where Lily attended to Severus. He kept telling her he was okay. He just got several bruises and a couple of scratches that she cleaned and patched up._

"_Why you didn't run…?" she asked later as they went into the living room, but she saw that he was indignant. "Or defend yourself?"_

"_I was waiting for you, so I could show you this book." Lily realized he had been holding onto the book all that time. "It's a magic book."_

_They sat and looked through the pages in awe. Several minutes later, Mrs. Evans arrived in the living room and Lily introduced him to her._

"_Finally I meet you!" she said to him. "Lily's always talking about you, Severus."_

"_Sev, please."_

"_Do you want some snacks?" Lily said yes and her mother brought them some snacks. When she went away they got the book back from its hiding place under the sofa and kept reading it until near sundown, when Severus left._

But, like many of his memories and most of his life, that adventure didn't end up well. His mother found out that he had taken the book out of the house and yelled at him as she never had before. Somehow his father also knew, or maybe he heard the row and wanted to join in, but anyway he yelled too and Severus acquired a new bruise.

Severus left his office and went to his private room. There was a mirror on the wall and Severus stopped upon seeing the image it projected back.

He hated the man who was his father, he hated him so much that he promised himself not to become one of those Snapes, one like him. He created a new name for himself, one that linked him to the magical word. He told Lily about his dreams to become someone important, admired; people would seek him for advice. Severus wished he had a timeturner to go back in time and choose Lily from the beginning instead of fame and power. In his search of grandiosity he lost the only special thing he ever had - her friendship. Looking at himself in the mirror he only saw a man too much like the one he despised. He left the room to return to his search, leaving the broken mirror.

**xXxXx**

After the incident with the boys and the little girl, Severus put more energy into his search. And finally, in the wee hours of the twenty-eighth, he found the curse that Lily had on her. He was nodding half asleep, his beloved book of darks arts laid aside, while several others had been thrown in pile on the floor. In that state of half awareness he spotted a name that aroused him. It spoke about the Sandman curse. He remembered that some myths of the western cultures said that a creature, the personification of dreams, was able to produce sleep and control the realm of dreams. Muggles had a more kindly version which said that the sandman gave children good dreams.

The sandman curse aimed to produce a profound state of sleepiness, similar to a coma, where the inflicted one spent the rest of their life in the realm of dreams, forgetting to eat and drink. It was usually cast before other sinister spells that allowed the caster to control the victim in several ways.

Severus was wide awake now and couldn't imagine why his former master cast such a spell on her. If he hadn't been vanquished, as Dumbledore said, what would happen to Lily? He would never know, but he had to reverse the deep sleep condition now that he knew how it was produced. The book didn't say anything about a counter-curse, but he knew now what to search for.

At the first hour of the morning he was banging on Dumbledore's office door. The Headmaster, still in his nightgown, listened intently to what he said. He was gravely concerned about it, for they had already tried the most potent awakening draughts and even Severus had kept trying with new attempts. Until now, she had managed to stay alive with all the efforts they had put into her. Dumbledore decided that Severus needed some sleep, but he was not at all sleepy. An hour before he had taken an invigorating potion mixed with a very dark coffee, so he was fully awake and eager to discuss the next stage.

He had discovered several ways to bring back people from the realm of dreams, according to several texts he found, none of them away from the reach of his power or too time consuming to prepare. What they conferred, though, was a cursed life – all of them. Dumbledore was now exceedingly concerned.

"Severus, do you want her to be here at that cost?" he asked him. He thought Severus had changed from the man who had asked him for help that night, but maybe he was wrong.

"I…" Severus had asked himself that same question. "I haven't finished searching for a cure…"

"If you used any of these so-called remedies, it wouldn't be better than having her lying in bed. Many of these things almost cross the line of necromancy." Albus thought of a stone that could bring the deceased back to life and his eyes turned sad.

"You promised I could use anything!" spat Severus.

"I'm not stopping you. Just think of what would become of her when she wakes up by those means, not only of your desire to see her walking again."

Dumbledore asked Severus to leave. The mixture of coffee and invigorating potion was wearing off Severus, but by the end of the day he thought he had chosen the best of the remedies. It involved a simple potion that needed to be drunk while he cast a series of spells. That was the best, since it didn't involve drinking unicorn blood or messing with the soul and body, yet her life would always be a half-life, as something had to be left in the realm of dreams. It could be her magic, her memories, anything; and the longing for it would drive her back there in the end.

Classes began again and Severus prepared for the ritual. He started to have doubts about it. Did he want that for her? Would Lily choose a life like that for him if the situation was reversed?

Severus saw the group of first years entering the classroom, talking about their presents.

_At the end of the year, after an autumn studying together, magic and muggle stuff, he woke up on Christmas day and found no presents. He was having some breakfast when a car stopped in the front of his house. Lily came out of it, dressed like an angel and he rushed to open the door._

"_Merry Christmas!" she said, giving him a small present box with a handmade card and a kiss on his cheek._

"_I…" He didn't have a present for her._

"_It's okay," she said, "I need to go; we're going to visit our grandparents." And she left with a smile on her face just for him._

He was going to bring her back, at any cost.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please leave your comments.


	5. One third

**Harry Potter saga doesn't belongs to me, neither the song below. **I just do this for fun.

Hello! Here is an early update, but I couldn't stop working on this chapter :)

I most say that the song below is one of my favorite anime music, but the Japanese-English translation it doesn't make much sense as en Japanese-Spanish one. For full lyrics check my profile.

Anyways, enjoy the new chapter.

* * *

"_dore dake kimi wo aishitara kono omoi todoku no darou  
mitsumerareru to ienai kotoba ga chuu ni mau  
hanarereba hanareru hodo itoshii hito da to kizuku  
motomereba motomeru hodo ni setsunai kyori wo kanjiteru my heart  
_

_Give me smile and shine days  
Give me smile and nice days  
moshi mo kono ude de dakishime-aeta nara  
dore dake kimi wo aishitara kono omoi todoku no darou  
yume no naka de wa tashikani ieta hazu na noni  
kowareru hodo aishetemo san bun no ichi mo tsutawaranai  
junjou na kanjou wa karamawari I love you sae ienaideiru My Heart"_

"How much do I have to love you for these feelings to reach you?  
The words I cannot say when you stare at me are circling in the air  
The more I'm away from you, the more I notice how dear you are to me  
The more I want you, the more my heart feels the painful distance

Give me smile and shine days  
Give me smile and nice days  
If I just could embrace you with these arms...

How much do I have to love you for these feelings to reach you?  
In my dream I certainly did manage to say it  
Though I love you so much that it's breaking me, not even 1/3 of it comes across  
The pure-hearted emotions go round and round and get nowhere  
My heart can't even say I love you, my heart"

1/3 - Siam Shade (from Rouroni Kenshin)

* * *

It was late on Friday night. Severus was in Lily's bedroom at St. Mungo's. While they were alone – it was so late that only a few mediwizards were around and most of them were away from her ward – regardless of that Severus took all the precautions to keep it that way. He was not sure about Dumbledore keeping his broken nose out of his business and he did not want to be interrupted. Lily lay on the bed pale and still, with a barely little more colour than the time he found her under the planks. Her breathing was soft and relaxed, as someone who is having a good sleep.

Severus had all what he needed to perform the ritual, but his hands trembled. Was he ready for this? But Severus Snape was not a man without courage. He sat once again besides his beloved one and this time, "_maybe the last one"_ he thought, he dared to caress her soft hair. Holding her hand he took a deep breath and drank to the last drop of the potion he had prepared. The room became unfocused, his eyelids heavier and all the time he passed on his vigil he seemed to weigh more. Still holding her hand, the empty goblet rolling on the floor, Severus fell asleep on his chair, passing into the dark realms of dreams.

_After his conversation with Dumbledore and his uneasiness of thinking what Lily might say, finding herself living a cursed half-life on top of what he had already done to her, Severus thought that maybe he did not need to sacrifice her life to bring her back. Maybe he could give his to her instead. This new train of thoughts occurred to him while reading some texts about the Sandman, the inspiration for that dreadful curse. There was an ancient eastern legend about a fox and a monk*. To save the monk from being his eternity trapped in the world of dreams, the fox took his place instead. It was a sad story with a tragic end, as many other eastern stories. But he preferred this option over the other solutions._

_This time he did not communicate his decision to Dumbledore, unsure what the old timer would do or say. He prepared a talisman and a potion with extreme care using as a guide an ancient book of eastern magic that instructed how to enter the realms of the Sandman [their version of it] willingly. It was a very delicate potion and he was proud to have achieved the expected results, even if he had neglected his duties a little on that week. He had not slept more than half hour each day since discovering which curse afflicted Lily, everything for bringing her back without corrupting her. And when the day finally came, sleeping forever seemed quite appealing – although he wished he could see her eyes one more time._

**xXxXx**

There was a dense fog and the forest was dark. A doe was grazing quietly in the misty darkness. A noise made it stop and look around. There was another creature in the trees several yards away, but the doe had good motion vision and could see it even with the fog. The doe stood waiting, it was unsure if it was a foe or if it was safe to keep eating, ready to run if needed. It sniffed the air, no dangerous sign of a predator.

The creature could be spotted clearly now that has approached. It was a slender doe, with an eerie glowing on it, yet beautiful. The other doe seemed to be surprised with the doe presence and both look carefully each other for eternal minutes. They could have been a mirror image of the other, but something told them the other one was not an illusion. After the tense moment both approached and start grazing together.

The other doe opened its eyes. The forest was still dark and foggy, but they were not alone. Perched over a nearby tree was a raven. It was a unique raven, for it seemed to communicate to the other doe using its gaze. The first doe was still sleeping under the bush that was supposed to be their hiding place. The other doe stood and went to see the newcomer, unsure why it fell as if called. How long had it be in the forest? It was impossible to know, time was not a measurable constant in that place. The other doe stopped very near the branch in which stood the raven. When it look back to check its partner found a forest more full of trees and no bushes or doe.

The other doe became agitated and was about to return when the raven started to fly, cry and peck on him. In front of the other doe there was now a clear narrow path. It didn't have other choice but to follow the raven. The other doe finally arrived at a clearing where a big house was set in. The raven flew away inside the house leaving the other doe alone. The grass was greener than the forest grayish one and soon the other doe forgot about the raven or the first doe. Grazing it came near to a door in the house and upon the door stood a paper with a familiar handwriting. There was something unsettling about that paper, the feeling that it needed to remember something.

And then everything made sense. He was no doe, but a man. He had travelled to the unknown realm of the Sandman and that talisman was the one he wrote according to the instruction to help him remember why he was there. Severus was no longer a doe and was clad in some dark robes.

"Finally," said a voice. Severus turned to see the raven, which was perched in a ledge over the door with the talisman.

"Are you the Sandman?" asked Severus.

"I am not. I am only one of his servants and messenger. What do you seek in the realm of dreams of my master?"

"I would prefer to talk with him."

"No one goes forward without my permission. Talk mortal, why are you here?" The raven became big and menacing.

"I want someone to be released from here." Severus was not sure if he was able to do magic in that place. It was better to be clear and get to the point quickly. The raven seemed to be pondering Severus' answer and without a word it flew away. He stood there quite unsure of what to do. He didn't like this sensation of uncertainty. The door swung open soundlessly and the raven's voice came from the darkness inside – "My master will receive you, come in."

Severus followed a path of lit candles through several rooms, each of them more bizarre than the first. All of it gave him assurance that he truly was in the house of the Sandman, the personification of dreams. The path of candlelight ended in a double door of wood, heavily decorated with carvings of oneiric scenes, and just beside it was the raven, sitting on a column with the sculpture of a dead branch. "You may pass," it said and once again he crossed the doors to the unknown.

This new room was dark and Severus could only visualize in front of him an uncommonly tall androgenic figure with very pale skin, clad in exuberant dark robes.

"Many centuries have passed since a mortal visited my domains using magic and by his own will." The Sandman had a melodic voice with a power that made Severus aware that this was not a being to be taken lightly. "The one you seek was trapped here by a powerful magic."

"I came for her."

"I don't get involved in wizard's quarrels," said the Sandman, turning his face to Severus. He was fair, but Severus thought it was not his true form.

"I want to make an exchange. I will stay here instead of her."

"Is that so? The spell cast upon her is very powerful. No mortal has truly left here when they have arrived by those means."

"But you are the master of the dreams, you must be capable of doing something." insisted Severus. "Please, release her!" It wasn't in his nature to plead, but for Lily he was willing to become a slave.

The Sandman stood staring at him for a while without saying a word. Then he started to walk to a mirror that Severus had not noticed before. The mirror did not reflect back the Sandman or Severus, but showed them the doe grazing alone in the forest. Severus though it looked lonely and sad.

"Even if I release her from the chains that keep her in here, I cannot assure you she will wake up or be the same. As you see, she has stayed in that form all the time, unable to remember who she was in her life before."

Severus felt defeated. "Then let me stay with her" he said. It didn't matter coming back without her. He would join her in this eternal realm.

"If you stay here, your body will die and so will you in this place."

"Then I will." The Sandman must have seen he was real in his determination to stay with her because he held his arm to the mirror and Severus walked through it and was now in the forest. He would be with Lily forever. But before becoming a doe once more and getting near her, everything became blurry and even foggier than before. Severus felt something pulling him out of his dream – someone was calling him back. He fought to stay.

"Lily!" he yelled. The doe stopped grazing and looked at him, or what was left of him "Lily! I'm sorry!" and he spotted two green eyes before everything became darkness.

**xXxXx**

"Albus, we have to talk," said Minerva, taking a seat in front of the headmaster.

"Anything wrong, Minerva?" said Dumbledore while offering her a cup of tea.

"Yes, there is something wrong. _Severus_."

Minerva was one of the staff members who weren't very happy when he told them last November that Severus was to be their new Potions master and she had kept a close eye on him. Until now she had just complained about the quite obvious favoritism he professed to his house, but in the last week she had seen a more disturbing image of the young man.

"He has neglected his work this week. He barely attended to his classes, even one of the students from Ravenclaw told me he does not look quite the same and was detached from what they were doing," she told Dumbledore. "And worst of all, I saw him going to Hogsmeade and disappearing…"

"Thank you, Minerva…"

"He's up to not good. I went to talk with him in his office and first found it closed, as it has been all week. When I came back it was open, but he had left, that's when I saw him going to Hogsmeade."

Dumbledore stood and thanked Minerva. He was very disappointed to hear the news. He knew already of the young man's misbehavior and before going to check on him he went to his office. It was indeed unlocked. Dumbledore was expecting to see one of the books he had shown him before, but what he found pleased him at the same time as a bell rang in his head.

Albus hurried to St. Mungo's. He hoped to be on time and to stop Severus from doing something dangerous and stupid. The ward was empty and he found wards that prevented him from reaching Lily's room. It took him little time to get rid of them as he was in no mood to be delayed and used his full powers. The door burst open and he found Severus collapsed on Lily's bed, holding her hand. He was paler and colder, although he only looked to be sleeping.

Before leaving Severus' office, he had read what was needed to bring him back and immediately started to work on him. There was some resistance and he had to shake him. "Severus!" he called several times until the man opened his eyes.

"Dumbledore-?" he said, somewhat confused. "Why?" Severus was shaking. If it was because of his near-death experience or anger Dumbledore could not tell, but he was relieved that he had got there in time.

"That was something dangerous…" Severus was going to reply but both became still.

In the bed, with her hand still under Severus' grip, Lily started to moan and stir. The men looked at each other in great amazement. Severus held her hand tighter and then she spoke. "James…"

**xXxXx**

"I thought you would not mingle in wizards' business, Master," said the raven, looking at the figure of the Sandman sitting in his throne.

"I did not." Just a few minutes ago, after someone called the intruder back into the world of the living, the doe's chains broke and she left his realm unharmed. "I think that man achieved what none before him had done. He broke the spell."

"But how, Master? Many great wizards have tried before."

"The only thing powerful enough I suppose. His dreams, most of them, were as foul as the rest of his kind, but one was clear and pure. Love…"

**xXxXx**

Severus held a mug of hot cocoa in his hands, sitting stiffly in a chair in the hallway near the nurse's station. He was still clammy after his encounter with the Sandman, but not even the strongest hot cocoa would make him feel better. After all he had done and gone through, Lily had called _him… James_. His heart was broken, maybe more than the first time he saw her kissing him in the Hogwarts grounds or when he knew she was endangered by his accounts.

Dumbledore, after Lily's first word in months, had to take the petrified Severus away. She could be aroused now, but Severus had received the hardest blow and so Dumbledore took him to a nurse, after some difficulty trying to make him leave Lily's hand, but otherwise he did not complain or struggle. Dumbledore left him there and called some mediwizards to tend to Lily. It was going to be a long weekend. In some part of the ward a clock pointed that it was one a.m. on Saturday the ninth of January.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please leave reviews!

*This refers to a graphic novel The Sandman: The Dream Hunters, which** I do not own** or want to make profit of it.


	6. Carnival of Rust

**Harry Potter saga doesn't belongs to me, neither the song below. **I just do this for fun.

Hello! It's been a while, but even though I knew what I wanted to say in this chapter it resulted difficult to write. Since all the chapters had lyrics I decided to make a playlist for the fic. The link is in my profile.

This song, well the video that's in the playlist, and one of my favorite scenes in "The great mistake of Severus Snape"were the ones that started the fic. Please enjoy!

* * *

"_I lust for after no disaster can touch, touch us anymore  
And more than ever, I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before…_

_Don't walk away, don't walk away Oh, when the world is burning _

_Don't walk away, don't walk away Oh, when the heart is yearning"_

* * *

Lily heard someone calling her insistently and she raised her head to see where the sound came from. In front of her was the figure of a man fading into darkness, telling her that he was sorry. Something in his voice, in his eyes, in the intensity of his feelings reached her and even when he was almost gone, made her realize that the man was Severus. Recognizing him suddenly made her become aware of the chains tying her to that place and form, and as if her awareness of them was a key, they broke. She felt light and free to escape from the realm of dreams.

Now Lily walked through endless darkness and it took her time to realize her whereabouts and become conscious of her body (she was back into her human form), for when the darkness lifted the shadows of familiar places created by her mind were covered by a dense fog. Looking at those places she knew so well, the memories of her last few minutes in the land of the living before falling into the darkness rushed into her head making her feeling dizzy – the happiness of a quiet family night interrupted by the blasting of the front door, James yelling her to run, the fear for her baby son in his cot, the vision of their enemy blocking her way – and then no more. Lily called out to James in her sorrow, but no one answered and the shadows disappeared, and she was again in the dark. The emptiness became heavier, tangible, and she felt like she was underwater, drowning.

In that state of despair and the sense of being lost she heard someone calling her name. She tried to talk but found she had no voice and could not move her body either. Someone kept calling her and she realized the voice came from a light far above. Feeling some hope she commanded her body to move and started to struggle with the darkness that bound her until she became loose and she finally managed to pull herself out. Lily gasped and opened her eyes, and found that she had not been drowning after all. The brightness in the room blinded her and someone noticed it, because the light dimmed. She tried to stand but her body failed to obey.

"Lily," said a voice suddenly at her side, startling her. She knew that voice! Now that the room was dim, she was able to focus on the people around her.

"Dumbledore," she managed to say, surprised with the voice that came out her mouth. It was barely a whisper, faint and weak. Two people she did not know stood nearby and by their robes she realized that they were a mediwizard and a nurse. She tried to talk again but Dumbledore stopped her. She could see in his eyes a mixture of concern and joy. He kept himself busy while the other two were muttering incantations, giving her potions, and asking her to answer yes or no to their questions about how she felt. Her body was weak, but otherwise she felt rested as if she was one who has been sleeping and suddenly woken up, forgetting all their dreams of the night.

It was not until the others had left the room that Dumbledore encouraged her to talk again. While the mediwizard and Dumbledore were working on her Lily tried to remember what happened. She could remember all that had happened until Voldemort had conjured a jinx, and then nothing more. Then she realized she was missing the presence of someone in the room and that fact was increasingly unsettling her. So, when Dumbledore encouraged her, she knew exactly what to ask.

"Where is Harry?" She realized her baby boy was not there and the wait to hear about him was almost unbearable.

"He is safe," Dumbledore said and she breathed out, unaware that she had been holding her breath. "He's been taken care of by your sister." Lily looked at him in disbelief, all her apprehensions coming back. _Petunia?_ Out of all the people who were loyal to them and loved Harry, why on earth did he send her son to her?

"Why?" she finally asked.

"There's too much we still don't know of what happened that day, my dear, and only you will be able to tell us about it. I wish I could wait for your recovery, but some pressing matters need to be clarified as soon as possible." His voice was too serious – something was wrong. "Tell me what happened the day Voldemort attacked you."

**xXxXx**

Severus had left his chair near the nurse's station and was now pacing in the hallway looking gloomily at the door. Dumbledore had insisted that he did not enter the room until he was called, but the waiting was making him nervous. Was Dumbledore unable to rouse Lily? The mediwizard and nurse finally came out the room and found their way blocked by Severus, who was not letting them go without knowing first what was happening on the other side of the door. The mediwizard, in the most technical way, told him the spells and potions used, but to him the only important words in all his statement were "she opened her eyes and seemed conscious".

After they left, Severus continued with his task of making a trench in front of Lily's room, wondering why Dumbledore wanted him out of it and what was keeping the old man inside for so long.

**xXxXx**

Lily tried to recount the events of the night of the attack, with all the details she could manage. After that, Dumbledore remained in silence for some minutes while she came up with her own questions.

"How long have I been here? What happened to me?" She wanted to ask more questions but she feared that if she asked too many questions Dumbledore would refrain from answering any.

"It is already the ninth of January of 1982."

"More than two months..!" she said quietly, but was very surprised.

"For some reason, Voldemort decided not to kill you and instead he sent you into a deep sleep under a Sandman curse." Lily sensed the old man was concealing some information from her. _For some reason?_ She would bet all the gold in Gringotts that he knew the reason but was not going to tell her.

"Why couldn't I be aroused before?"

"It took time to find out which curse it was and how to bring you back safely from where your mind was captured."

"Is Harry harmed…?" She feared that, although alive, her son might have suffered from magical injuries like her. "What happened after I was jinxed?"

"_Ah_." That exclamation implied that something in the answer was not good. "Harry survived very well. I assume that Voldemort tried to finish his work to avoid the fulfillment of the prophecy, but when he conjured the curse, and I hope you can tell me how this happened, the cursed backfired and he disappeared."

"He's dead?" she asked in disbelief. Dumbledore smiled softly, and Lily was unaware it was not because of her answer, but because she reminded him of when he had corrected Severus in his office that dreadful night.

"No. I do not think so. But whatever happened in that room that night didn't leave your child unmarked." Lily felt her blood slipping away and her face must have shown her inner fears because Dumbledore continued promptly and in a reassuring tone. "He has just a small scar on his forehead. Is quite an interesting scar indeed and it fulfills part of the prophecy, '_and he will mark him as his equal_.' But let's talk about that scar later when you are in better shape and you can be reunited with your lovely son. Since Harry's survival people have named him The-Boy –Who-Lived. Now tell me, what did you do for the killing curse to backfire on Voldemort?"

"I…" Lily had trouble finding her voice, knowing that her child had been marked to fulfill a prophecy. "When I put him down in bed I didn't have my wand with me to duel Voldemort, so I cast the only thing it came my mind at that moment – an ancient incantation, a sacrifice spell that will create a shield against the one who spilled the blood of the caster upon a third person, Harry. But I didn't die," she said reliving those horrifying minutes in her mind.

"Maybe it was all the work of the prophecy," said Dumbledore.

Lily was horrified. Her son has become a public figure, apparently idolized by hundreds of the wizarding community for something that he did not perform. Maybe Dumbledore was right to send him to Petunia. "Why didn't Sirius take care of Harry?" she asked, waiting for the worst. Dumbledore was quite surprised by her question.

"Would you trust him even after…? Wasn't Black your secret keeper?" said Dumbledore, the last question asked with an intensity he had not previously show throughout all his questioning.

"No." Lily had forgotten that no one else knew about the exchange. "He wasn't. We changed the secret keeper at the last minute – it was Sirius' idea – Peter was the one." This time it was Dumbledore's turn to become pale. "Albus, what happened to Sirius?"

"He went after Pettigrew the next day and blew him up with a curse along with twelve muggles in a muggle street."

"Impossible! That can't be true!" Lily exclaimed. If her body had not been so weak, she would have jumped from the bed. She believed that Sirius would kill Peter after James' murder, but definitely not innocent muggles.

"He's on a maximum security cell in Azkaban. Crouch sent him there, but surely with your testimony we could get him a trial…"

"He hasn't had one?" She knew Crouch had become ruthless, but that was quite unbelievable. Dumbledore already had risen from his chair.

"I must go to send an owl immediately. I will return so we can finish our talk."

Lily did not try to stop Albus from leaving, not that she would have been able to do so anyway. She wanted to help get Sirius out of that dreadful place as soon as possible, for she was sure he was innocent. Someone like Peter, who had sold his best friend to Voldemort, could have also set up Sirius. Dumbledore left the room promptly and Lily tried to make herself comfortable in the bed, not sleepy at all. Thinking of the turn of events in the war, she was very surprised when the door opened and before she could ask Dumbledore if he had forgotten something, she found that she had an unexpected visitor.

**xXxXx**

Severus, tired of waiting and exhausted from all his struggles in the past week, fell asleep in a chair conjured out of thin air in front of the door. When Dumbledore left the room Severus woke up startled.

"Is Lily okay? Can I come in now?" he asked in hurry.

"She's okay, but she needs rest…" But Dumbledore could not finish his sentence because Severus had already opened the door and entered the room. He caught Lily by surprise. She was seated in the bed looking at him in bewilderment.

"Lily!" He said happy to see her finally awake, but she looked as if she was not at all expecting to see him there.

"What are you doing here, Severus?" she asked, before he had reached the bed. The cold tone of voice she used to speak to him made him freeze halfway between the door and the chair where he had sat earlier that night. "How dare you come here? You were one of his followers!" she cried, her voice rising.

"Lily I… I just wanted to talk with you…" He met her gaze and said no more. There was hate in her eyes and the sorrow he felt was even worse than when she had spoken Potter's name.

"There's nothing for us to talk about. Look what your _Dark Lord_ has done to my family! It's all your fault…" She may have been saying those words because of the rage and hate she felt, but she wasn't far from the truth. Every word she spoke was a dagger in Severus' heart.

"…You hated so much James that I bet you were quite happy he died, weren't you? The only thing good about this situation is that the war is over and you are on the loser's side."

Severus stood there, pinned to the floor and at a loss for words, unable to defend himself against Lily's chain of claims. His heart felt broken, maybe beyond repair. Dumbledore rushed back into the room and found them in silence. Lily still had some color in her cheeks, following her sudden of her sudden eruption of rage, while Severus' face had none left whatsoever.

"I think that is enough for one night. It is very late and there have been enough near-death encounters and talking for today," he said, looking at both young adults. "Severus, let's go, there's plenty of work tomorrow."

"I hope you recover soon," Severus whispered to Lily before turning and following after Dumbledore, feeling beyond misery.

**xXxXx**

What was all that about? How dare he show his face to her after all that had happened in the war! Voldemort had nearly killed them three times before he caught them and she knew Severus was on his side all the time. Where had he been at that time? And now he dared to visit her, quite probably to say he was sorry and other such lies. Her pain became rage and she let it all out at the man in front of her, but at the end of the encounter the conversation took a strange road. Dumbledore ordered Severus to go… and he had _obeyed_? The man she knew would never follow Dumbledore without complaint! Lily saw the two men leaving together and the image raised more curiosity than concern of the damage done. Next time she would need a serious chat with Dumbledore about Severus. It was beyond her to think that Severus had changed sides.

**xXxXx**

All they way Dumbledore didn't speak, until they reached the steps leading down to Hogwarts' dungeons, and Severus was thankful of it.

"You may have a week off, Severus," the headmaster finally said with pity.

"There's no need Dumbledore. I'll make up to cover the work I neglected during last week, there's no need for you to worry about me or release me from my duties." His voice was cold. He wanted no one's pity. Dumbledore accepted his offer with nothing more and said good night.

Minutes later, Severus was in his bathroom under very hot water trying to wash the sorrow away. Lily hated him. After all those years, after all the perils he had to pass to try to amend his mistakes to redeem himself, and when he finally saw her he was met with hatred. His tears mingled with the hot water. She had walked out of his life years ago, during the summer of their OWL's. It was time for him to move on and stop looking for her forgiveness and affection. He needed to; he had to.

* * *

Thanks for reading and feel free to comment.


	7. I am strong

**Harry Potter saga doesn't belongs to me, neither the song below. **I just do this for fun.

Hi! No, I have not abandoned this fic or any other, it just life got complicated. The main idea was there, it just resulted harder to write and I hope my dear readers like it.

Again, I have ideas for the next chapter but can't promise any date for update, sorry.

Enjoy the fic! (The playlist has been updated too).

**May/13:** This chapter was missing the last part. It seems that when I originally uploaded that part got deleted. Thanks to ArwenfairTinviel for helping me to discover it. Also Chap 6 has been edited!

* * *

_"Of all the hurt_  
_ And all the pain_  
_ Get back on my feet again_

_ There is no fear_  
_ There is peace here_  
_ I have found a home"_

_I am strong - Dj Tiesto_

* * *

Albus Dumbledore was exhausted. After the incident with Snape and Lily at the Hospital, he had not had a single day free of work. Right now he was feeling the weight of the years as he had never before; next year he was to be one hundred years old and he wondered if he would end up with what seemed like an endlessly ongoing set of trials for those alleged of being Death Eaters. They themselves were exhausting, but not quite as much as trying to make Cornelius and Crouch see that Sirius Black was innocent.

Those two were taking the best out of him. Luckily, his good friend Elphias had offered to take him out for a coffee in a café at Diagon Alley. As they sipped their coffees, Albus remembered how Severus had forbidden him, again, to tell Lily anything about his efforts to protect her. The young man's trial was one of the first he assisted with and it had been very private, with no reporters, and now Severus was cleared of all charges.

They had finished munching on the biscuits that had accompanied their coffees when an owl arrived, with a note from Fudge for him. He had finally yielded to Dumbledore's petitions to grant Black a trial, but only because after the trial of Crouch's son, Barty Crouch had fallen into the critical public eye, and having the mother of the Boy-Who-Lived as a witness would give him some extra points to boost his career again.

The note also enclosed the proposed date of the trial. Dumbledore sighed and asked another coffee, this time a strong one.

**xXxXx**

How was she supposed to continue with her life when most of the people she loved had disappeared from it? Even when everything she had fought for was accomplished, she knew Dumbledore was right and eventually Voldemort would come back and this time she would be alone to fight him.

Lily tried to rid her mind of these dark thoughts, but it was futile. The first few days after her awakening, she fought the weakness in her body as intently as the mediwizards did by giving her potions and other curative spells, but even with magic it was hard to overcome the consumption and weakness after being bedridden for over two months.

What kept her going were two things: her son, and getting Sirius freed. She dreaded that her little boy might be suffering with Petunia; though she liked to believe the best of her sister, Lily still couldn't see her loving the child of two 'freaks' and feared that Harry's stay with his aunt might leave a lasting effect on him, even though Dumbledore had promised her that Petunia was not harming the boy. Lily's determination to rescue Sirius from Azkaban was in part to recover her previous life. He was James' brother in every sense and she felt that by helping him and having her by her side, she could get some of her husband back. She did not believe for one second that he had killed those Muggles; he could not have, she was convinced of it. She knew Sirius.

While she had spent more than two months asleep, now it seemed that her body refused to go back to sleep. Lily was suffering from insomnia, which only aggravated her depressed thoughts and delayed her recovery. Every night she had to resort to potions to enter a dreamless sleep. Curiously, she woke up very refreshed from the curse in comparison to her current state. But she still had to fight the weakness in her body.

Dumbledore sent her an owl with Sirius' trial date and she was to be a key witness. The trial was to be held a few days before her birthday, and Dumbledore promised her that if she had recovered by that time she would get Harry back. There was some hope at last.

**xXxXx**

The trial began and finally they brought Sirius in the chamber. Dumbledore was very worried, and furthermore he had not felt this way in a very long time, which only served to make him even more anxious. He was used to planning and moving his pieces in the eternal board game of wizarding politics and wars, but he was usually sure of the possible outcomes. This time, the life of an innocent man was relying on circumstantial facts and labile personalities drunk with an excess of power.

This case was getting to him too much. After the mistake he had made with Severus that led to James' death, Sirius' imprisonment and the misery Lily was now living with, Dumbledore was committed to stopping the chain reaction right here. Those atrocities were in the past and the past could not be undone, as he knew well, but new opportunities always followed days of misery and he was sure that, with his help, all the affected parties would do well at the end.

He had fought hard with Fudge to be allowed to see Sirius in Azkaban before the trial, but Fudge had refused to give way. So this was his first glimpse of the man he used to know as jovial and handsome. The Dementors had affected him though, and now Sirius was consumed with that look of wild madness that the Black family had a tendency to develop. But Dumbledore was surprised to find how rational and coherent Sirius still was in comparison to the many others he had seen who had been to Azkaban, and for even less time than Sirius.

Sirius told the court the truth: at first he had been the Potters' secret keeper, but then he had swapped with Peter. When James and Lily had died, he hunted Peter down, knowing he was to blame for their deaths. At this part Dumbledore noticed, thanks to his Legilimency abilities, that Sirius had omitted something in his statement. Sirius proceeded to say that after cornering Peter and confronting him, the betrayer had used a trick that he must have learnt from his master to blow up the whole street, before disappearing after cutting off one of his fingers to fake his own death.

"And why did they find you laughing maniacally?" said an interrogator.

"Peter is a _rat_," spat Sirius. "He did that little trick to cover his back, and I laugh at his deviousness."

But Sirius closed up when asked why nobody had seen Pettigrew since. When they could get no more information from him, Dumbledore called forth the witness – the reason the courtroom was so packed that day – Lily Potter. This was the first time she had been out of the security of her room in St. Mungo's and everyone wanted a glimpse of her.

Lily corroborated with Sirius' story of Peter's betrayal word for word, and only Fudge and Cornelius were dim enough not to see the truth. This was the difficult part, because the main reason Sirius had been sent to Azkaban was because he was believed to have killed Peter and those Muggles, not because he had betrayed the Potters. Of course, the wizengamot would give their own verdict. Many of them were on his side, and another good part was very moved by Lily Potter and the rumors that she was actually the one who had defeated the dark wizard, not her son. It was simply a matter of waiting.

**xXxXx**

Lily Potter had been apprehensive about leaving St. Mungo's for the first time since waking up. The world did not seem to be quite the same and she was afraid that when she met up with Sirius she would realize that he was a coldblooded Death Eater, or find that her son did not recognize her. But she would take things one step at the time. She felt very silly, to be feeling so down, but she did not want to tell this to the mediwizards. She could not bear taking one more potion. Now that she was back in society, she had to put on a hard face and play her part.

She watched Sirius whilst she gave her account of the facts and was glad to see that deep inside he was the same, though she knew she was not the only one who would be needing long-term care. After she had done all she could, with all the dignity she could manage she walked with her cane back to the seat she had in a corner away from curious eyes, beside Alastor Moody.

She could see heads turning to follow her and heard whispers all around. It made her upset. Most of those present were there to look at her, like an animal in a zoo, and they didn't give a damn about the innocence of the poor man before them, awaiting his fate. Now Lily knew the rumors that circulated about her being the one who had somehow defeated Voldemort. She did not plan to object to them. This way, she could take some of the weight of fame away from her son, and hopefully he could have a normal life.

But right now what concerned her was the verdict. What would they say?

**xXxXx**

That morning he had been taken out of that grey, hopeless place, and finally he saw the light of the sun. It was wonderful. He had lost all notion of time, as well as the beauty of life, while he had been imprisoned in Azkaban, so Sirius could not be sure how long he had spent there. But luckily he was not as mad as should have reasonably been. He had managed overcome some of the effect of the evil Dementors by transforming into his dog form; but when he was too weak he transformed back and suffered the torture.

Finally, _finally_, he was able to explain the truth about what had happened, and for the first time after that nightmare he saw Lily. He had believed her to be dead like James, for when he had visited the leftovers of their house Hagrid had told him that only Harry was left there. Maybe they had found her later – but that didn't matter. At least Harry still had his mother. At least his best friend's wife was still alive.

There was a big commotion in the courtroom. Sirius returned to the time being and was bewildered. Some people were cheering, others were clapping, and in all the confusion he realised that he was now chainless, and a mass of red flung itself at him and was hugging him so tightly he thought he would burst.

"You are free now, Sirius!" Lily gasped. "We won!" There were tears sparkling in her green eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Lily," he said, realizing then that his voice sounded different, hollow. "I should have stayed as your secret keeper."

"It's not your fault. We didn't know about Peter. None of us did," she said quietly, freeing herself from his embrace and trying to not lose her balance.

"I thought you were dead…" Sirius murmured, gazing at her almost in disbelief. "You know, I did not have newspapers in there. I thought I had lost James – and you."

"I was dead, almost," Lily whispered, trying to not go back to those dark thoughts. "But now we can both try to live again…"

**xXxXx**

Dumbledore congratulated them warmly and recommended that they spend at least one more day in St. Mungo's. Lily was ready to leave her confinement, but she agreed to do as he suggested because she did not want to leave Sirius there alone, after his hell in Azkaban. There, away from curious ears and eyes, Dumbledore held a discussion with the two of them.

"Now Sirius, I wish to know the whole truth about what happened with Pettigrew."

"I told them everything!" he responded. "I thought that _you_ out of everyone would understand what I meant…"

"I just can't imagine Peter being capable of such abilities," Dumbledore mused.

"Ah, unfortunately he is. We helped that git to do become an Animagus. James was a stag and I'm… a dog…" Sirius whispered, reflecting somberly on how it had saved his sanity in Azkaban.

"Amazing…" Dumbledore murmured.

"When can I have Harry back?" Lily interrupted them, a pleading note in her voice. It was killing her to be away from her son, when she had lost her husband.

Dumbledore shifted uneasily. "Well, this is why I wanted to have a private chat with both of you. The mediwizards do agree that you would recover faster if you left the hospital, Lily, but I am concerned about where are you planning to live, and how. Only once I am sure you will be alright do I think you should have Harry back."

"James had some savings," Lily said quickly, "and I can live at the Potter Manor. Sirius will always be welcome there, too."

"That's true… At least the house and some other heirlooms might be sufficient for now. However, it unhappily falls upon me to inform you that your prolonged stayed in St. Mungo's was charged to the Potter's bank account in Gringotts… and James had provided most of the funds for the Order…"

A coldness settled in Lily's stomach as she realized what Dumbledore meant: she had no money left. But she quickly shook it off when she heard what Sirius said.

"That's not a problem. I'll take care of Lily and Harry. I'm planning to get back to work as soon I'm recovered, so I can provide for the two of them," said Sirius. "I am Harry's godfather, after all."

"And I can work, too," Lily protested.

"I think it's too dangerous right now for you to enter the workforce, Lily. With all the speculation hanging about you, the remaining Death Eaters that have so far eluded capture might target you," Dumbledore warned, and Sirius swiftly seconded him.

So it was that, on her birthday, Lily and Sirius visited Privet Drive to pick up Harry. He was very happy to see his mum and his godfather, and beamed up at them incessantly. Petunia screeched about how she was fed up with the damned ravens and that she should tell the monster to keep away from her! Thoroughly confused, Lily came to the conclusion that her sister might have been using an unusual expression, referring to magic, she had not heard of before.

From there Lily, Harry and Sirius retired to the Potter Manor where Dumbledore was already working on the strengthening the wards with an unexpected guest – Remus Lupin. After everyone apologized for suspecting one another, Lily offered Remus a room in the house, since she knew how hard it was for him in society. At first he refused, saying he could not be of any help and that he did not want to endanger Harry, but finally Sirius and Lily convinced him to stay.

It turned out that Dumbledore was indeed right about the hospital expenses; and still they were not yet over for Lily still had to take more potions to aid her recovery, and now Sirius was taking medication, too. She found that wintery month the worst she ever experienced. She tried to continue her life, together with her two friends around her and little Harry to look after, but it was difficult to walk around a house that only served to remind her of her lost James and she understood that it would be the same for Sirius.

As the days passed by and she regained strength, Lily began to be more active and near the end of the month she decided to go for a short shopping trip to Diagon Alley. She had finished her treatment but the depression was lingering on her, and now she found that every sight of the alley brought happy memories crashing back onto her, joyous events that would never happen again, and they gave her such sad, longing pain. To make matters worse, people were staring at her wherever she walked, worse than the day at the courtroom – some stared at her with awe, but others with hatred, and when she noticed a couple of people taking out their wands threateningly she returned to the manor immediately, confused and hurt.

But then Lily saw Sirius opening his arms wide to her, while Remus and Harry played in the front yard. She realized then she still had something to live for, some people who cared for her and loved her still. Right there she promised to stop feeling sad about what she had lost and be there for the ones that she loved who were still on this earth.

She smiled for the first time since that cursed night in October.

"I'm home," she said to her family, taking Harry in her arms and cuddling him, savoring every second. She smiled at her friends and all of them walked back inside together, just as a raven left its perch in the highest branch of a nearby tree, unnoticed.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Next chapter is fully dedicated to Snape!


	8. Here I go again

**Harry Potter saga doesn't belongs to me, neither the song below. **I just do this for fun.

Hello, hello! Look who is back! Finally got some inspiration to write something down and I hope you enjoy it. I lost my password for the youtube account for updating the playlist and in a few days I hope create and update a new playlist.

As a special note: The last chapter was originally uploaded missing the last two paragraph and was fixed two weeks later,

* * *

_"No, I don't know where I'm going_  
_But, I sure know where I've been_  
_Hanging on the promises_  
_In songs of yesterday_  
_An' I've made up my mind,_  
_I ain't wasting no more time_  
_Here I go again"_

Here I go again - Whitesnake

* * *

Severus Snape returned to Hogwarts with a broken heart, where he was to continue his work as a slave for Dumbledore. He felt that everything he had done so far was useless since Lily still hated him. There he was, standing in the marble hall before taking the stairs down to the dungeons, but he found that he could not bear to take another step. What else he could do to show Lily he was sorry? He had already done everything, except for giving his life away, and he was effectively doing that too, by staying there at Hogwarts. It was a slow and painful journey to death in his mind.

Severus saw the old man looking at him, playing with his fingers as if he was unsure of what to do next. A moment later the old man approached him and Severus nearly pushed him away, thinking he was going to hug him, but Dumbledore just patted him on the back, and Severus detected sadness in the eyes behind those half-moon spectacles.

"I am sorry that it did not work out as you had hoped," Dumbledore said gently after his unusual physical demonstration of support.

"It was a long shot after all…" Severus said, using his most neutral voice, almost mocking himself for daring to hope, to believe that Lily would change her views about him. He already knew that life was cruel and unfair. This was just further proof of the fact.

"You don't need to try to fool me, Severus. I know how you – "Dumbledore looked at him pityingly. "Well, if you need some time off –"

"I'll resume my work tomorrow as usual," Severus said sharply.

Dumbledore hesitated on the verge of fighting him, but then sighed in defeat. "As you wish…" The old man wished him a good week before slowly heading up to his office.

But Severus did not have much time to stay replaying the awful night with Lily in his mind because he had to go back to work. He had already neglected it for too long while trying to find a cure for Lily. Besides working, he also had to prepare for his hearing, which was in less than a fortnight. Deep inside he wished he would be condemned to a dementor's kiss, so he could end his misery.

That feeling did not last long, though. Each day closer to the hearing Severus convinced himself that he should leave Lily alone and forget about her, so that he could focus on his day-to-day work. Unfortunately for the students, that meant that he rapidly became the most feared and, by most of the students not in Slytherin house, hated professor.

On the day of his trial Severus was agitated. If Rita Skeeter ended up being present there, his life would be over for sure. But at the end of the day he should not have worried so much, since Dumbledore managed the situation with as much discretion as was possible, and Severus Snape found himself being freed of all charges. He was now able to do what he pleased with his life and to find happiness – or at least, that was what the rest of his ex-comrades and the jury thought. Though Severus was relieved he was not going to Azkaban, his previous choices in life still separated him from Lily like a gaping chasm. Aside from that, his love for the dark arts still prevailed, and he believed that what he had learned somewhat mitigated his loss.

Now it was time to move on with his life, and Dumbledore had agreed the night before the trial that he could work on some potion formulae on his own if his work at Hogwarts remained his top priority. So Severus was already developing plans for the future in his head as he made his way out of the Ministry on Magic. Developing new potions and selling them to the mediwizards of St. Mungo's was one of his ideas, since there was much demand for them after the success of his potions in bringing about Lily's recovery. He was thinking smugly about the extra income he would make when Cornelius Fudge walked briskly past him into the lift without even noticing him, as he tried to get rid of Dumbledore who was talking about a trial for Sirius Black.

Severus stood frozen, so shocked by what he was hearing that he missed the lift and his previous plans were suddenly all forgotten and replaced by hatred. The imprisonment of his old school bully was one of the few good things that had happened after Voldemort's fall, and the idea of Sirius Black being free again was for him just as bad as Lily's grudge against him.

Black's case became a new obsession for Severus during the following days, since Black's trial was close soon after his own, making his days inside Hogwarts slow and painful for both him and his suffering students.

Severus followed Black's case closely and even more intently when the information that Lily Potter was going to testify came out. He was sure that Black was not in the inner circle of Voldemort's followers but there was nothing to suggest that he was unable to perform treason, and Severus made sure to make Dumbledore aware of his opinion on the matter.

"He is not guilty," said Dumbledore firmly, when Severus got hold of him in the headmaster's office the day before the trial.

"He deserves to be in Azkaban," Severus replied without paying any attention to Dumbledore's preceding statement.

"Lily," Dumbledore began, immediately catching his attention, "revealed to me that _Peter Pettigrew_ was the double agent."

Severus' eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How is she sure that it was not the werewolf? He has not visited her once since she was placed in St. Mungo's. Of course it is easier to say that the one who is dead is the one responsible for the treason."

"How do you know whether Lupin visited her or not?" Dumbledore asked curiously, trying in vain to see inside the mind of his Potion Master.

"I have my ways," Severus said elusively. "Personally, I believe that letting Black out into the streets is a danger; who knows how damage he will be capable of following his stay in Azkaban… We all know the terrible effects that place can have on one's state of mental health…"

"It is very thoughtful of you to worry about Black's well-being. I will make sure that if he is freed he receives appropriate support so that he can be reintroduced to society. I will not suggest that you are the one to provide his recovery treatment," Dumbledore added, seeing the utter disbelief on Severus' face, "but if you want to, you may go to his trial this Friday."

"I would like to witness Black's sentence ordering him to return to Azkaban, but sadly I have to work that day."

"Does that mean you do not want to see Lily, or that you do not want to be seen by her?"

"Think what you like Dumbledore," Severus snarled, "but you made it quite clear that I cannot afford to neglect my work. I just hope that Black stays in jail!" He snapped and walked out the office.

Yes, he very much wanted to see Lily, but he was convinced it would be an altogether unpleasant encounter, particularly if Black was freed and able to poison her mind against him even further. It was too bad that Dumbledore did not recommend him to prepare Black's medication. That way he could have made him pay for sure!

The day of the trial Severus was in an even fouler mood than usual, and when the owls arrived at breakfast with a special issue of _The Prophet_, stating that Black had been freed, Severus decided to retreat to his office, and he did not leave there until the next Monday.

He was fully aware that it was Lily's birthday on Sunday, but since she had elected to keep company with Potter's friends instead of giving him forgiveness after all he had done for her, he decided not to send her his congratulations. That last day in January was a windy, snowy day. While he was pacing in his office, planning a surprise test for all the Gryffindors, the last raven spying on Petunia's house brought him a message. He was proud of the method he had employed to spy on that woman – he could see what the raven as a result of a set of runes that created a window, much like what muggles called 'television'.

The raven showed him Lily, a bit more colourful than the last time he had seen her but still not in her best shape, beside Sirius Black. Severus was furious but could not stop himself from watching on. As he expected, Petunia complained about the ravens but Lily's boy was fine. He was quite sure Lily believed that her boy had been well looked after as a result of Petunia's loving care and Dumbledore's close supervision, rather than seeing his doing as the only caring act that had kept the boy safe. Severus commanded the raven to follow Lily and Black to the outskirts of Potter Manor, just close enough to see it all. He then discovered that the werewolf was living with them too. Severus was livid.

Days passed; most Gryffindors failed the surprise Potions test, Severus punished them with grueling detentions, and staring into the mirror of Lily's private life became part of his daily routine more and more. At first the unhappiness that filled her house gave him some savage satisfaction, but that faded away with the passing of the days and envy began to take its place. Envy because Lily was with Black and Lupin not him, envy because she cared for Black and Lupin, envy because even with Potter out of his way she did not look at him the way he looked at her. It was an obsession that was rapidly consuming him like a disease.

Everything changed at the end of the month. The breaking point happened when Lily decided to visit Diagon Alley on her own. It was a sudden decision and Severus thought it was not the most appropriate – there was too much propaganda being thrown about that she had been the one to defeat the Dark Lord, which was dangerous. Seeing her overpowered by the crowd convinced him to go once again to her rescue. But before he reached her she had returned to Potter Manor and ran into Black's arms, giving him the best of her smiles.

That black day he commanded the raven to leave, and after downing a bottle of the best firewhiskey to be found in Hogsmeade to take away the searing pain, he put all thoughts and memories of Lily out of his life, literally. Afterwards he felt empty and stored his memories as a treasure and continued with his life.

Spring arrived and life at Hogwarts was as monotonous as ever. But the end of the summer term Severus received an unexpected surprise.

The Potions exam for the first year students was the last one that year and as most of the students rushed to deliver their vials and leave the dungeon for good, one little Ravenclaw stayed behind. Severus reckoned it was the muggleborn girl he had rescued in his first few days back at the castle. She was the last one to put her vial on his desk, and she also left behind a little bag with a tie before dashing out, her face as red as the Gryffindor banners.

Intrigued, Severus opened the little bag to find that it contained Honeydukes' best sweets. Though seemingly innocuous, they presented a big problem to Severus. The student had a crush on the youngest professor in the school.

It was a big problem indeed.

**xXxXx**

_There was a knock on the door and he felt his heart pounding with the sound. He had already explained to his mother why Lily was knocking at the door right now, and even though she had not agreed to let him go with her, he had accepted Lily's invitation to spend a whole weekend with her family in the country. He had accepted not only because it was Lily who was inviting him to go, but also because he wanted to see the world outside Spinner's End._

_His mother opened the door and he could see Lily Evans dressed like an angel standing outside. She was wearing a simple white summer dress, yet Severus thought he had never seen her more beautiful, and there was no way his mother could prevent him from going on that weekend away. Lily was so polite and before he knew it his mother had left the door open for him to go._

_They were both ten when Lily had invited him on a family trip to the countryside. Petunia was very annoyed that their parents had agreed that he could come and that was how he found himself seated in the back seat of the Evans' car, by the window. He had planned on leaving the best seat for his best friend, but Lily reasoned it was no good to anyone if he ended up sitting next to Petunia._

_The car ride was eternal in a good sense. In the first few minutes the Evans confirmed that Severus was not going to be in trouble and made light conversation. He was not too embarrassed of his outfit on that occasion since Lily's mother had given him some clothes on his last birthday, and only Petunia was in a bad mood. Most of the time they spoke little, but even the silence was pleasant since Lily had put her hand over his in the space between them._

_Severus could not remember anything like that weekend. They even found some magical plants near their campsite, close to a river. He was cleaning the roots of the bunch of plants and Lily was holding a bouquet of wild flowers he had just given her._

_"Why did you leave me, Severus?"_

_Surprised at Lily's tone of voice, Severus turned to look at Lily and found not the beautiful girl – his best friend – standing there, but the grown up version, staring at him with hatred and grief._

_"Lily?"_

_"You promised that we would be friends forever! You promised that you would never forget me…"_

Severus woke up disturbed and covered in sweat in the middle of a hot summer's night. Why was one of his most beloved memories corrupted in that way? He remembered well that after washing the roots they had headed back to camp and out of nowhere Lily had told him that he was her best friend and that she did not believe she would be going to Hogwarts, but that she would never forget about him. He fervently reassured her that she was going to go to Hogwarts and that he would never forget about her. She threw her arms around him in a big hug.

Severus sighed. He could not live without Lily. Trying to obliterate the memories of her was dreadfully difficult, if not impossible, and deep inside he did not want to lose them. He went to bed an hour later after sending a raven back to Lily's house. He would have to resign to being out of her life, but he would not forget about her or let her be alone with those two imbeciles. After all, loving Lily was the only life he knew, and old habits die hard.

* * *

Thanks for reading.


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